Emotionally Exhausted

 Most of the time I pretty positive on this blog. There are many amazing things our family is able to experience while serving with Mercy Ship in Freetown Sierra Leone and we are truly thankful to be here. But as I say almost daily to myself or to others "This place has the highest highs and the lowest lows". 

Friday was one of those lowest lows kinda days. Not that anything specific was truly terrible, but just a lot. I'll explain....

Friday started as a normal day... wake up, eat breakfast, kids off to school, etc. I get to rehab at 8am for our daily devotions. I know this will be a little different as 2 of our therapist are leaving this weekend... one at noon on Friday and the other 1pm Sunday. In a team of 7 people, losing 2 is a lot and I'm sure we will be talking about that at devotions. The therapist in charge of devotions that day (the one leaving Sunday) had asked a patient to come and give his life story during our devotions time. As you can imagine, all of our patients have a story of resiliency in hard circumstances. While it was a good story to hear, I was already feeling the heaviness of what my patients live through on a daily basis. 

Next up was my 8:30am patient. It was a 5 year old girl who was having her last appointment with us in rehab! She came to us in January to fix her bowed legs and we got to celebrate her discharge home!! I was fortunate enough to do her assessments before surgery, see her every appointment between and now do her discharge assessment. The hours I have spent with this girlie and her mama can't be counted. She is one who was very shy/scared/quiet when I first met her and now walks into the rehab gym like she owns the place. A fabulous tradition here is each kid picking their favorite song and we all dance to it at their last appointment. We danced, prayed for her and gave parting hugs. Both the patient and mom hugged me with tears in the eyes and she waved to me as she walked around the corner to leave. Gah! My heart breaks once again. 

Next patient was at 10am. This is a 12 year old boy who is living at home and coming to see me every 2-3 days or so for rehab. His mom is a single mom with 3 kids and she has to take off of work every time he comes to see me, but she is happy to do it to help her son longterm. Friday she brought me 2 big loaves of bread as a thank you for helping her son. I found out that is her job... she stands on a street corner selling bread that she bought from a bakery. She gave of the little she had to say thank you to me. Humbling to say the least. She would not accept money for the bread stating "It brings me joy to bless you as you have done so much for my son". Gah! Heart broken again for the third time in one morning. 

Next was lunch time. Thankful for a dining room to feed me and see all 3 kids in the middle of the day. After that kind of morning it was easy to squeeze them all, say how much I love them, and love seeing them. Down to the dock now to say goodbye to a PT I have known for 12 weeks. She was the only other PT from the USA so we had a special bond. I gave her a hug and we will definitely stay in touch, but once again, not a dry eye to be found. 

I don't write down these stories to be pitted or for you to say "Oh you are so amazing!". I write this is 1) Remind myself when I read this years from now what my morning looked like 2) Show you all the good and the bad. Like I said, the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. We ride a roller coaster of emotions here, but I am thankful for each twist and turn. 

We love it here. Truly. 

April 2025 Review

 April has been a busy month onboard. Not only some very special extra activities during the week before Easter, but an internship for Lauren, extra busy at work for me and special events for Sam and Sadie as well. 

Please enjoy this month in review in photos!

The month started off with a fun sleepover for Lauren with some of the other Jr High and High School girls 

My work in the hospital continues to be challenging, but taking a few moments to make balloon animals for the kids with 2 other PTs was super fun!

Two of my work friends who are also moms on board, Berdien and Rachel. 

Speaking of amazing mom friends, I spent the night off ship with some other moms by the beach! Great conversations and beautiful views!

First event for Holy Week was a special Palm Sunday Service. Sadie had a great time waving a palm branch and singing with the other kids. 

Next was the Passover Seder meal. We learned about the symbolism of each item on our plate and how a traditional jewish family would recite certain phrases and scripture. 

Every Thursday afternoon there is some kind of drill on board and Sadie was asked to be the "victim" so that the EMT (Emergency Medical Team) could practice. The story of the drill was that she fell and hit her head. She loved acting out the part and even got to lay on the CT machine down in the hospital. 

Thursday night we had another amazing Holy Week activity of different stations in different spaces on board... foot washing, communion, etc. 

Friday night was a Good Friday Service. Our all purpose room was decorated like a garden. We all sat own the ground and heard the story of the Last Supper and Jesus in the Garden, The room got darker and darker until they read "It is finished". It was a powerful night I will never forget. 

Then came Easter! We had a beautiful sunrise service watching the sun come up over the ocean and a lovely Easter brunch! 

Sam went on a field trip with his class to a chimpanzee sanctuary. 

Lauren has been working as Ward Admin Assistant 2 afternoons a week. She absolutely loves working in the hospital and serving our patients and crew in this way.

And then we finished off the month with a pottery class in Freetown with friends!

As you can see, we keep very busy here. This does not include the normal things of school, work, laundry, homework, etc etc. 

Looking forward, this season in Sierra Leone ends in mid-June when the ship has its annual maintenance period up in Spain. We will have some time off while the ship is in dry dock and then will sail back down to Sierra Leone the beginning of August. 

We continue to be thankful for all of you who read this blog, love and support this journey.

What does this Finance Director really do here?

It's a joy to be here. 

Yet my daily work serves as a reminder that "I'm not directly involved in the mission". 

It's much simpler and engaging for Jackie, the physical therapist, to tell stories of patients, how hope and healing arrive to patients and their caregivers — the tangible, real change. But when you're the Finance Director... you, uh, pay bills and make sure people have money so the mission can run. Right? You use an abacus, calculator, and lots of spreadsheets and use math. Yes?

It's still important, but if I ever want to feel very close to the front lines and yet struggle to answer, "So, what is it you do here?" then this is the opportunity. 

As I've reflected, I've found myself investing in three areas:

1. People: Enable their personal growth, maturation, and develop their potential
2. Internal Communications: Encourage the crew to feel more engaged, aware, and capable
3. Long-term processes and systems: Simplify "how to" tasks, make systems easier to use, and better outcomes for patients and crew

In short, I've embraced being a coach, communicator, and improver. 

While my workday includes of meetings, project tracking, finance work, and leadership, here are a few stories that may shed light beyond the assumable "I guess he just reconciles numbers and signs checks?"

People developer

I love investing in people. Many junior and middle managers onboard face various challenges: living on a ship, away from home, working in a multi-cultural environment, gauging how frustrated one of their team members is and how to respond, and simply learning to be a manager. This is a recipe for growth and tears.

Then there are those on the Finance team with the drive, the talent, and the desire to grow in their career. What does it look like to listen, guide, and nurture people to help them flourish — not just here on the ship (or in country!), but at their next role wherever in the world it may be? What if this time at Mercy Ships was not just about their service but also their personal and professional growth? What if they leave not just with being able to reconcile a bank statement quicker but approach interpersonal conflict with clarity, calmness, and curiosity? What if...they became leaders?

Internal communicator

Calling it "internal communications" gives it a sterile and robotic feel, though I want to distinguish it from external communications. Over January, I had the opportunity to cover for our ship's Operations Director and also a bit for our Chief Steward (think: dining room, galley, housekeeping, hospitality, and more). Daunting. It was quite an experience, but serving others in that way was worth it. It helped me see past the happy, smiling faces to discern the stress, difficulties, pains, and struggles. It also helped me see how tweaks in awareness, transparency, and accountability can yield dividends. Examples include:

• Make it clear and actionable: We rotate slides for 20-30 seconds with actionable information ("how to disembark the ship", upcoming events, "how much money do I need to explore Freetown?", weekly menu). We clarified these slides, made the fonts larger and more readable, and focused on actionability. Small, but mighty change.
• Trust but verify: It's easy to say "I'll get that done," but it's quite another to get it done and then report it back. For our management team, we reviewed all our meeting notes since August (the beginning of the field service) and wrote down every action item that should have happened. We then compiled it in a spreadsheet, brought it back to the Management Team, explained the process, apologized for the lack of accountability and transparency, and are making this a regular occurrence. To be effective, people must trust the systems, processes, people, and promises.
• Subtraction is just as powerful: Whenever we want to "make it better," we usually think, "ah, I must do something." However, removing is often better. Selectively eliminating helpful but non-critical information, instructions, and words focuses attention on the few critical items. Advertisers practice less is more: We took that opportunity to remove words, reduce the number of TV slides, and focus on just a few instructions. 
• Listening ear: Sit down, shut up, and hear what your fellow volunteers say. Empathy counts.

It is tempting to add more, but there is a breaking point—just like adding too much to a vehicle.

Improver

Imagine being stuck using a 20-year-old software tool: out of date, hard to use, doesn't work well, and takes more time from everyone to use than it should. It's frustrating for any person — now multiply that by 2,000+ volunteers who come to the ships each year. 

Optimizing and improving processes is one of the least sexy, trendy, or cool things. But when that is deeply connected to why we are here and how that transforms lives, that changes my perspective. Better systems, workflows, and time saved mean less stress on hospital staff, more patient time, and better surgeries. I'm on board. With great support, the Hospital can share presentations like this of successfully running operating rooms!
 

Here is an example: We have 280+ day crew who work with us and are paid every two weeks. It was a very manual process and, while it has improved over the years, when I arrived, it took at least 6-8 hours to process and another 2-3 hours to review. With some assistance from a friend back home (you know who y you are!), we automated it. Processing time 3-4 hours and review is 30 minutes — going from ten to four hours is a huge improvement. Oh, and far fewer errors and delays, too. 

Now, what if, instead, someone focused on modernizing those applications? There's a group here who are doing that. First, I'm trying to get the existing software to be as usable and straightforward as possible (quick wins!). Next, I'm working with our amazing onshore team to speed up the replacement of these archaic tools (Side note: It's wild to realize some of these systems won't be ready until we're about to or sometime after we leave. But even if they all come after I leave, my focus is on the next generation: bringing a better tomorrow to the crew, day crew, caregivers, and patients). That inspires me — even if I don't get the cute before-and-after hospital photo out of it.

Conclusion

Sometimes, communicating about communicating is hard. The esoteric and nebulous stuff is difficult to explain to others. Yet one thing I appreciate about being here is the focus on the mission: know where you're going. Here's a picture of the ship's bridge at 5am before the sun rose while most everyone were still sleeping. The ship's bridge is a frequent reminder about where we're going, watching our trajectory, and remembering why we're here.

May you be encouraged in whatever role you're in, regardless of whether you feel that you can communicate that well. 

Hospital Pictures and Updates!

I have been asked by several of you for more pictures of what I am doing in the hospital. While I would love to take silly selfies with all of my patients, this is not allowed. Thankfully our communications department takes photos and I am able to use those on this blog. So... ENJOY!

Mr A is a cheeky little dude with big personality and heart. He was here to have both hands and one foot repaired during Nov/Dec. 

These two (Miss M and Miss B) are pure entertainment. I love seeing the kids bond over their shared experience both at home and now in the healing journey. 

HAPPY FEET! 

This is one of our daycrew (locals from Sierra Leone who work for Mercy Ships). He does so much for the rehab department including translating, doing exercises with patients, cleaning up after the therapists and much more. Daycrew are invaluable!!

This is another daycrew worker with me and Miss A and her sister-in-law. Each patient under 18 needs a caregiver... most of the time a parent, but sometimes another trusted adult who can come be with the child for months. Miss A was slow to warmup to me, but now runs up to me with a big hug. 

Happy Miss A!

She really is a sweet kiddo. 

This is Miss S and she has been a HANDFULL! lol. But on a serious note, a lot of this kids have been through trauma/grief that we can't even imagine and need extra love and grace. She used to scream when I came into her ward and now I get high 5's and smiles. She will even start walking to rehab because she wants to come play with me. She still has a long way to go, but she will be one I remember forever. 

Oh little Miss M!! She had this sad faraway expression for the first few weeks she was with us. Now she comes running into the rehab room and has to hug everyone before she can start exercises. Her mom also hugs me when she sees me and thanks me for coming to Sierra Leone to help her daughter. 

Mama doing Miss M's hair. 

Thank you for all of your prayers for my patients. We are moving into a time where they will be getting their casts off and strengthening those legs that have been in cast for about 10 weeks. There is over 50 kids ages 4-14 who have had orthopedic surgery on their legs and are progressing right along. I'll keep you all updated as I can about their progress. This work is exhausting but the most rewarding of my career. 

As always, please reach out with any thoughts/questions/suggestions. We love hearing from you! 

Trip to Bunce Island and Needs Everywhere

 Recently our family went on a daytrip to Bunce Island. This is an island in the middle of a major river in Sierra Leone that was a big part of the slave trade in the 1700's. We went with 3 other families, so it was a group of 8 adults and 11 kids ages 5-14. It was a 10 min keke ride to the ferry port and then a 1-2 hour boat ride to/from the island. 

Abigail (UK), Hanne (Netherlands) and Sadie (US)

Ian (UK, Captain), Jeff (US, Finance Director) James (US, Crew Physician)

The island itself has some ruins from when it was part of the slave trade. We had a local guide who was very knowledgable and answered all of our questions. The history is sobering and seeing it come to life is even harder. Especially touching was learning that John Newton was on a nearby island with similar history and it was this that caused him to write "Amazing Grace". We all sang the song with our guide and there was more than a few glistening eyes. 

Beautiful, yet weighty ruins

There were huge trees on Bunce Island (see kids running by for scale!)

Lauren (US), Elin (Netherlands) and Erin (US). Its hard to be a teen on the other side of the world, but I am so glad these girls have each other!!

Thomas and Sam. Sweet buddies and the only 5th grade boys on our ship!

Most of our group! We may have only known each other for 8 months but we are very bonded together! 

A brief history of the island

After Bunce Island we stopped by Tasso Island. This is a much larger island with a greater number of locals living there. We had a traditional African lunch (fish or chicken and rice) then toured around some local huts. We love meeting the people in these secluded areas of Sierra Leone. 

Whole fish! It was very good.

Traditional huts that people still live in. 

As we were leaving Tasso Island, I had a very normal yet sobering experience. After saying "hi" and "how are you?" to some boys by the ocean, one asked me for money. He said he was hungry and his father is dead. Like I said, sobering. A few people every time we leave the ship recognize us as "rich" (which we are here) and ask for money. Just like a homeless person asking for money in the US a million questions go through my head... Will a few dollars REALLY help him? Is his father really dead? Is he really that hungry? How many Leones do I have on me? How can I show this boy love? Kindness? My head is spinning again just thinking about it. 

Sometimes, it is asking for money, but often, it is a medical need. Especially closer to the ship we are recognized as part of Mercy Ships. And like most people, the locals assume everyone who works at a hospital is a doctor or a nurse! lol. People come up to me showing me their infected eye, damaged legs from an accident, tumor on their neck, you name it. Right now the rest of our field service (Aug-June) is full... every surgeon coming has a full schedule for the entire time they are with us. But of course there are still more people who have needs and there is no surgeon in country who can do the operation. Even if there were, the average person could not afford it. Once again... How do I love this person right here in the moment? Mostly I listen, acknowledge, pray for, and just hold the hand of whoever it is is asking me for help. They are cast out of society here and need human connection. 

Continue to pray for us as we navigate these situations day in and day out. It's exhausting, important, thoughtful, valuable work. 

Seized by needs

Our clothing tailor's son has bowed legs. I (Jeff) am not sure if you read that and thought, "you have a tailor? Wow, that must be nice" or if you noticed that his son, Alpha, has bowed legs and can't run like most 10 year old boys.

Or if you were here and saw that all the slums and dumps are constantly on fire because everyone burns their waste — plastics, trash, leftover tins, and whatever else — what you you take away from that event? This is normal everyday living. There's so much smoke that I wake up on the ship with the air filters and still smell plastic smoke. I get to complain about this, but people live here — people live in the dump (to be absolutely clear, I'm not speaking metaphorically. I mean the "dump" as where the city takes its trash, just like our own cities or towns).

It is really hard to not be overcome by guilt every day. We can focus on just the wrongs, injustices, and hurts. We can see how we live in luxury and are infinitely better off than this gentleman in the wheelchair at the gas station asking for a conversation and help. What do you do in that moment? 

What if that was the third or fourth (I lost count that day) person who came to you in the last 5 minutes? How emotionally tired would you have been after seeing the need of the old woman with a cane and distorted foot, or the other woman who asked for help?

I encourage you to further explore opportunities you may already be loosely connected with — or, if none exist, then to explore opportunities. It doesn't have to be Mercy Ships. It could be a food pantry, local mission, or homeless shelter. It is easy to be overwhelmed by all the needs. There is need back home, but we're simply desensitized to most of it. I share this not to create shame, guilt, or even action. Nor am I any better than anyone else. I had a conversation with a friend tonight where he reminded me that friends back home told him "Wow, that's so great what you're doing. I could never do that." I question that. There is not two tiers of people such as those who can move away and take on a title such as "NGO worker" or "missionary" and then "everyone else". No, we all encounter need on a daily basis. We all have the ability to become overwhelmed and want to hide under our bed covers; it is a lot easier to pretend it does not exist. 

I don't have answers. I do know I am getting better at embracing sadness. I'm getting comfortable having a conversation with a complete stranger, praying for them, acknowledging them as a person (vs as a "thing" or being invisible). By doing that, I am giving them something that we all long for: dignity. Perhaps that is what I want for you: to be able to mourn with those who mourn and to give dignity.

So the next time I see Alpha with his bowed legs, I will continue to acknowledge him as a person. I also will not give a handout to the next person who asks but neither will I brush them off as if they are a nuisance. They are not. They are human (made in God's image) just like me.

A Story Of Hope And Healing

 **I have patient and Mercy Ships permission to use the first name and age of a patient on this blog. No photos will be used, but this amount of patient info is allowed**

Right now is "ortho season"in the hospital. What this means is 6 weeks of orthopedic surgery with an average of 2 patients a day. 95% of these surgeries are straightening either bow legged or knock-kneed children ages 4-14. I have the absolutely privilege of meeting these kiddos and parents the day before surgery, taking some measurements of their crooked legs and seeing them again the day after surgery when they have full leg casts on. From there we are doing exercises in bed, then standing and even walking with the casts on! As I have written previously, healing takes a long time here so the casts will be on for months. Then the fun of strengthening legs after cast removal, and finally the patient can go home! It's a long journey but absolutely life changing for these kiddos. 

Isatu (Eye-Sit-Too) is one of my ortho kids. She is about 10 years old and from a very small town that she has never left. She is here with her dad (all kids get 1 caregiver while they are here) while her mother is home with her siblings. The whole family is giving up a lot for her to be here, but they are also excited for this opportunity to change her life. She speaks a dialect of language here not a lot of people know, which makes her and her father feel more isolated. When I first met her the day before surgery she was very shy and would barely look at me or my translator. She kept her very bent legs covered under a dress and her eyes were at the floor. Her father looked desperate for help for his daughter. 

I saw her 2 days later after her surgery as she was in bed, dad at her side with 2 long leg casts up to mid-thigh. Eyes were looking at the other kids who also had the same casts, especially the girl next to her who was about the same age. She speaks a different language but I could tell it was making Isatu feel "normal" for the first time. What a gift. 

She is now about 2 weeks post surgery. Leg casts are now bright pink with flowers and stickers all of them. She can walk about 100 ft with a walker and dad by her side. She smiles and waves at me when she sees me in the hallway. I'm learning a few words in her language from her and she giggles at my pronunciation. 

Today I walked her down to radiology for her first x-ray since surgery. We lined her up and I took dad and the translator around the corner so we could see the picture of his girls legs. When that x-ray of those STRAIGHT legs came up on the screen that gentle giant papa wept. He hugged me and grabbed my hand and said Tenki Tenki Tenki (Thank you thank you thank you) over and over. The radiologist showed him the x-ray from before the surgery and then back to the new x-ray for today. We got little Isatu and brought her into the x-ray booth to show her and she cried and hugged her dad. 

As much as we could all see her casts and knew those legs were straight under there, something about seeing that x-ray made it real. Her legs are straight! She will walk normal and go to school and live her life. 

I brought her back to her room, gave her a hug and dad stopped me again. Through the translator he told me he is thankful for me. Thankful I left my home to come here. Thankful I love his daughter. Thankful for the kindness of strangers. We talked openly about Hope and Healing. Hope for a brighter future of Isatu and the Healing of her legs. But then I could tell him of the Hope I have in Jesus. Healing of our lives not only physical bodies. 

I have the best job ever. This place is magical. God is doing things here and I get to be part of it. Pray for Isatu. Pray for her dad. Pray I can keep having amazing conversations while I witness hope and healing. This is one patient and one day out of hundreds. I am excited for what is next as we serve Sierra Leone. 

Family on a recent hike!